A Flash Before My Eyes
9:27 a.m., today...
Suddenly, I'm aware of everything that surrounds me. About fifteen feet to my right, there's an old man picking out roses at a flower cart. He's leaning on a carved wooden cane, but barely maintaining his balance as a flurry of pigeons rises from the sidewalk around him. A few steps away on the corner, there's little blonde girl with a pink plastic purse, holding her mother's hand as they wait to cross the street. I see all of this through the delicate, miniature rainbow made by the sun reflecting off the coffee spray from my "world's greatest dad" cup, which a moment ago was balanced on the passenger seat.
The intersection of West Lexington and Grant Avenue has become the cosmic nexus of all I am, ever was and will be. As profound as all of that seems, some small part of my brain is distracted by the irony of Mick Jagger singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want", coming from the radio of the speeding truck that has just begun ripping through my newly-paid-off, freshly washed Honda Accord.
So, is this it? Is this where an army of angels appears in blinding white light to sing me to my eternal rest? Is this where I sink forever into that darkest bog of dreamless sleep? I never really bought either poetic scenario, but it looks like I may finally get the answers to all of those herb-fueled philosophical questions that sprung up from endless, all-night discussions in college. Of course, this is a lot sooner than I ever imagined having to confront the ultimate reality. There is one thing I know for sure. If I ever wake up, this is going to hurt like hell...
Part 1 - The Ballet Of The Impact
(Boegehold & Meros)
(I) Prelude To The Past
(II) The Ultimate Quiet
(III) A Blizzard Of My Memories
The windshield explodes
Like a bomb packed with diamonds
There's a deafening silence
Time flows to a crawl
As the ballet of the impact
Spreads out across the blacktop
Angels dancing down like raindrops
In the air as they fall
So this is how it goes
So this is how it ends
A flatbed runs a red light
No time to comprehend
As a blizzard of my memories
Lights up like fireflies
In the sliver of an instant
In a flash before my eyes...
...I remember this house. We live here until I'm five or six years old. I remember the clang of the milk box early in the morning and the all-white living room with the wood floor that gives us splinters when we slide around in our socks. It's Christmas Eve and I'm worrying about how Santa Claus will get in since we don't have a chimney. Mary, who is three years older, tells me that the grown-ups are lying to us and that there really is no Santa. I tell her that I don't believe her, but the seed's been planted and I need reassurance. I find my mother in the kitchen and start to ask her why daddy hasn't come home from work yet. Before I get more than a few words out, I see that she's been crying so I stop. I go outside and look up at the winter sky. It sure seems like there were a lot more stars then. I guess it's true, your life really does flash before your eyes...
Part 2 - I Wouldn't Let It Go
(Boegehold & Morse)
I was just a boy
A rough and restless child
All skin and bones and thistles
A tough weed growing wild
Someday I'd be an astronaut
And make my way up to Mars
But I was like a monkey
With my hand stuck in a jar
I was holding on to something
That I couldn't make my own
At times it seemed so hopeless
But I wouldn't let it go
No I wouldn't let it go
No I would not let it go
Once I took a penny
Placed it on the track
When the freight train flattened it
I couldn't change it back
I was never lost
In my little town
But I remember hoping
That someday I'd be found
(chorus)
(chorus)
...I'm barely awake on another endless walk to school. Finally, my friend Tim catches up with me. We hurry past the scary gray church and the gas station that gives out Green Stamps. Tim is asking what my plans are for summer vacation, but I change the subject to The Green Lantern. Oh, I have very big plans for my life, but for some reason, I want to keep them very well hidden. My immediate goal is to blend into the background and not make noticeable waves. Kind of like human wallpaper. I don't know how or why it happens, but everything changes pretty quickly right about the time I turn thirteen. It's like someone flips a switch in my brain and a bank of bright lights goes on and shorts out at the same time...
Part 3 - Surfing Down The Avalanche
(Boegehold, D'Virgilio & Meros)
I had a mother chasing planets
Shopping doctors for her Vicodin
A weekend father absent
Searching dungeons for some discipline
School was like a prison
The zombies ruled and the masses just gave in
I had to run - breakout - I had to run
I didn't see the world like the others did
Cause I couldn't see that world
I had to run - break out - I had to run
Break out - break out - break
I am invincible
No one can stop me
Not even mom and dad
They never had a daughter
But I bet they wished they had
I feel like I can walk through walls
I'm fearless and shocking
You're looking at the face of evil baby
Comin' to ya at the tender age of thirteen
The tender age of thirteen
But I'm mean...
I lived high on a hill
Until the ground gave way
I felt a wave of my debris
Pick me up and carry me
And the rocks started rollin'
The rocks started rollin'
Surfing down the avalanche
Surfing down the avalanche
Surfing down the avalanche
Surfing down the avalanche
...Gradually, my life finally starts smoothing out. It pretty much has to, since my options are grim. It's a clear summer night and I find myself at a party I was dragged to by my college roommate. That's where I meet Sarah. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Man, if I could paint you a picture... "Let's go down to the lake and watch the moon rise." Those are the first words she says to me as she takes my hand and pulls me toward the door. As we walk outside, I hear the distant roar of a large crowd cheering at a high-school football game a half-mile down the road. For a second, I imagine they're cheering for me. Strange what you remember...
Part 4 - She Is Everything
(Boegehold & Meros)
(I) Strange What You Remember
(II) Words Of Forever
The first breath of summer in warm morning rain
Where crimson flowers covered the ground
The world faded 'round us
We fell to our knees
Amazed at the love we had found
She is everything
The sacred, the pure
The fix, the addiction
The vision, the cure
She rings down the years
'Round the corners we turned
An ember still burns to this day
But now it's all fading away
She is everything
With words of forever we'd paint through the night
Pictures of life we would share
Then we joined together with all that we owned
A promise
A ring and a prayer
(chorus)
(chorus)
...After a few years, Sarah and I do what people in love usually end up doing; we settle down and have kids. Am I ready? It doesn't really seem to matter. The truth is that she's ready, and the last thing I'm going to do is risk losing her by asking her to wait a few years longer. It never dawns on me what a struggle life can be until I finally decide to be responsible. After a while though, things fall into place and I more or less learn to cope with the mundane reality of adulthood. None of that stops me from wanting something more...
Part 5 - Climbing Up That Hill
(Boegehold & Meros)
Finally got caught up
We thought we had it made
Then life stepped in and sent another mouth to feed our way
Once our world was more than fighting traffic kids and bills
Working all day straight into the night
No time for chasing thrills
Dancing through the landmines
Right down to the wire
Walking through the fire
But we're
Climbing up that hill
Breaking for the blue skies
Someday we will find our real life
On the other side
On a map let's find a place we've never been before
Pack our bags and book a flight
We'll walk right out that door
Guess that's just a dream
Since we grew roots and settled down
Wonder if we'll ever leave this tired little town
Home up on the high wire
No net down below
There's one thing that we both know
We are
(chorus)
Dancing through the landmines
Right down to the wire
Walking through the fire
But we're
(chorus)
As much as most of my adult life has been consumed with making the mortgage, promotions at work, and whatever I can do to keep my head above water, none of that means a thing right now. My kids, Sarah...I miss them more than anything and my car hasn't even stopped spinning yet...
Part 6 - Letting Go
(Okumoto)
The silence erupts into a dull roar as one by one, the fireflies dim. Here it comes, I hope I'm ready...
Part 7 - Of The Beauty Of It All
(Boegehold & Meros)
(I) If I Could Paint A Picture
I am drifting on the water
Far out from the land
Moving through my memories
As I try to understand
If I wake tomorrow wiser
Or it's time to shed my skin
And let go of a lifetime
That I can't have back again
All the love we leave behind
All the work we leave undone
All the words we leave unspoken
All the things we won't become
But there's little I would change
In the life that I've recalled
If I could paint a picture
Of the beauty of it all
(II) Into The Great Unknowable
Then...
NWC (instrumental)
(D'Virgilio)
There Was A Time
(Boegehold & Morse)
These days are drifting through me
Like faces in the clouds
Memories lift me up
Stare me down
I open a window close the door
And watch the shadows cross the floor
Never talk too much about it
There was a time
When all of our dreams were spun like sunshine
Through a kaleidoscope
Lit the corners of our minds
There was a time
Love found us clear as diamonds
With eyes as bright as stars
Never thought that we'd
Fall that far
Our world was turning back around
And soon our feet would touch the ground
Never talked too much about it
There was a time
When all of our dreams were spun like sunshine
Through a kaleidoscope
Lit the corners of our minds
When I held her close on the day she left
And she wished me love and happiness
Now I wonder if I ever cross her mind
There was a time
Well I held her close on the day she left
She wished me love and happiness
Now I wonder if I ever cross her mind
Now I wonder if I ever cross her mind
Now I wonder if I ever cross her mind
There was a time
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